January 26

This is really hard. this is realllllly hard. I’m balling, my eyes are bursting with red and tears. I don’t understand why I cannot just be happy why this so difficult for me. why can’t I be in a place I want to be???? My mind is just moving around with suicidal thoughts and happy ones. It is a constant battle I am having with myself. I really hate these episodes I continue having. I just want help I am sooo trapped. Why cant I get some reassurance and guidance? I feel like I am drowning in my own depressive thoughts. No one really seems to help everyone just says be thankful and be happy- how???????

Okay one thing I am thankful for today-  having my family. and  place to sleep at night. and a job. I feel like some invisible person keeps stabbing my chest and heart. Help me please.

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