Monthly Archives: December 2013

Hello

I have decided that I am not going to let myself be sad anymore.

I choose happy.

No more crying and no more feeling miserable.

I am making a promise, a promise to you, a promise to my family and a promise to myself- to be happier and enjoy my life starting 2014 and beyond.

This was a terrible year and kept crumbling towards the month of December. Crying, no one seemed to tell me it is going to get better. Instead, everyone just said, be positive. How can I if shit keeps happening, like my car getting totaled or feeling miserable in my own relationship.

Despite being a terrible year, a few good things happened- graduating from college, made new friends and have been doing exceedingly well in grad school.

 

If I could describe my 2013 year in one word it would be miserable. I was miserable in my job, my family, every day stuff, and in my relationship.

I hated watching all the lovey dovey couples on Facebook, watching everyone buy a house, get engaged, travel… while I was stuck at home. Long distance transformed me into an anxious and depressed person. I had no idea it would be this painful. I mean, yeah skyping helped… sometimes. But I became crazy! Every little detailed made me feel like everything was hell.

My work was worst. I hated every minute of it. Obviously, majority of the people I work with looooooove drama. They are what we say in my language “parap”  they have nothing better to do…

 

Okay enough of the bad stuff… here is my promise… be happy. SMile. Put make up on. DO shit

Get in trouble. take shots! lol paint. laugh, watch michael scott dance! I deserve to be happy. I want to spread laughter and love all around and promote better wellness.

If you are like me struggling with anxiety and having depressive episodes, your heart feels like it is stabbed with crooked nails and your face looks like you havent slept in ages… You need to change your life right now. You cant just wait for the magic fairy to pop through your window and diminish all of your problems. Get yourself out of it. 

I want a few things, obviously, not feel like a failure to my family, get engaged, and have a better career.

I am going to just try to be happier and make the most of it I am still young. 

And make him dance. I dont care. Not dancing is a deal breaker for me.

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I am not happy.

I am numb inside… I feel like I am dying… emotionally, that is. 

 

I have stopped crying I am just giving up.

 

I feel like a failure… worthless…

and nothing. 

 

No one is even doing anything to help me. 

Just complain and tell me everything is my fault. 

 

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December 29, 2013 · 2:01 am

Praying

Just praying for my sickness to go away and disappear forever

Praying for good health for all of us.

Praying for happiness, for all of us.

Praying for an inner expansion of love.

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I think it is safe to say anything I want here.

I wish I can just give him a job, a great one.

My head is not in the clouds… my heart wants him.

I want to celebrate every minute with him.

 

 

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