this week was extremely (well, entire month has been) stressful, hectic, emotional, nerve wrecking, and kind of upsetting for me. From all the going back and forth to work and school everyday, the health scare and worries, constant panic of my body image, the never ending nagging and complaints from family and friends and the unperfect relationship, I was able to put an end to all of that worrying. Well, most of it. Today is the 19th anniversary of my cousin’s death and once I got to the cemetery, I felt a weird sensation. I realized I have so many blessings and all of my worries are, essentially, nothing and normal. I am not the only human being in the world and I was never being selfish, just needed a break. I knew I could never have the perfect life, I don’t think anyone’s life is perfect, only less complicated (unlike mine). But I knew once I got to her grave how fortunate I am, to still have all these crazy and loving people around me be my family and to be alive and always be there for me. I have had friends come and go (and disappear lol) but they have always been there for me. Comforting me and telling me it is all going to be fine. Plus the one aspect that got to me was seeing my aunt’s face. She was still crying. You would think the pain would disppear, but it never does. And no person should ever have to experience what she did. We all have our blessings and should always try to find those things that make us a better person and strong.
I believe my life will never be perfect, and no matter how much I think I am cursed, at the same time, I am truly blessed.